A Million Wishes
by Joana Deeks Blye
Summary: That desire was taking over his mind, his body... He didn't know how to control it anymore. Until the day he thought he could show it to the desired one.
1. Chapter 1

Words, words, words… Throughout all my life I have found it hard to express myself through words. It is actually kind of contradictory, now that you think about it. I hate having to talk, having to come up with words that will not hurt someone else and, yet, I became a social worker. But I guess that is different, because I was not talking for myself, I was talking for somebody else. Now, in situations that have been happening quite often, when I was forced to say something regarding what I was feeling, I just wish I could fast forward life.

"Please, say something!"

I found myself lying on the ground, feeling suffocated by something, _or someone, _smothering my space. I could hardly breathe and my whole body felt numb. But, then, I started feeling as if someone ripped open my stomach and kept touching the wound.

Kensi was waddling me, trying to keep me awake, but I was already half asleep. All I remember before blacking out was her trembling voice whispering in my ear,

"Please stay."

When I woke up, I felt numb again, but I was not on the floor. I was in a hospital bed, connected to all the existent wires in the world, beeping to the rhythm of my heart beat. I tried to turn my head to the right of the room, where I found only emptiness. On the other side of the room, I saw Kensi, lying back on a chair, with her eyes closed. She seemed strangely beautiful. Using all the strength I had, I pushed air up my throat, where it came out as a sound, a word.

"Kensi." I mumbled.

"Deeks!" She almost screamed. Kensi jumped from the chair and looked around, finding me staring at her with, what I imagine she would call, puppy eyes.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Kensi got up and knelt down by my bed, so our faces would be at the same height. I closed my eyes for a while.

"Numb… dead."

"That's normal. The doctors said you lost a lot of blood so you will have to stay in recovery for a couple of days, then you can go home."

I looked at her, deeply, trying to imagine what it would have been like if I had died. I don't think going instead of someone you love and listening to her voice as you fall asleep is a bad way of dying. It actually sounded pretty okay to me.

Kensi lifted her hand and fondled my hair, sliding her hand down until my chin. Then, she searched for my hand, which she held hard as I looked at her making all these moves.

"You promised you would never get yourself killed."

"What?" I opened my eyes wide.

"You almost died on me. I couldn't bear to have to get used to another partner."

I smiled and thought that maybe dying like that would not be a very good idea. I wouldn't be able to rest knowing that Kensi would be blaming herself for my death.

"But I didn't."

"You almost did, that's what I'm saying." Her eyes started getting red and she looked up, trying to get the tears to stay inside her system, "I'm sorry. It's just… I was so worried about you. You shouldn't have taken that shot for me."

"Kensalina… I will always do everything in my power to keep my partner safe."

She squeezed my hand and I locked my eyesight on her lips. For the record, if I could have moved, I would definitely have kissed her at that moment. But that's exactly when the pain got worse.

"Deeks, are you okay?"

I couldn't say a word, the excruciating pain took over my entire body.

"Nurse!" I heard Kensi yell.

"It's gonna be okay. Here, look at me." I did, "Just focus on me, it's okay."

The nurse came running into the room and immediately took the covers off my body, revealing a pool of blood on my stomach. The nurse shouted for help and a doctor came, who asked for some medicine whose name was too long for me to recall.

"What's going on?!" Kensi asked, letting go of my hand.

I was dizzy and couldn't understand much, but all I heard was the doctor saying something like,

"Bleed… coagulant… stitches…"

My eyes closed, trying to find peace. For a few moments, the pain remained in my body, but then it left. I could stretch my legs and move my head, but I could not feel my abdomen.

I heard Kensi go outside my bedroom to talk to the doctor. I tried to understand what was going on by Kensi's reaction. She looked focused. Maybe it wasn't so bad, maybe I wasn't dying. They talked for a couple of minutes, then Kensi walked in my room, not smiling, but not looking too sad or concerned. She pulled the chair closer to my bed and sat down. Her hand held mine again but she didn't hold me tight. I wondered if there really was something wrong.

"The doctor said you are having some reaction to one of your meds. Apparently your blood isn't coagulating as it should, that's why it bled. During surgery, they noticed something was wrong but they hoped it would be all right. The doctor is putting you on a coagulant medicine to prevent any more bleeding."

Oh. I was not dying. I was going to be fine, but all I wanted was for the pain to stop. My head was pounding, maybe because of the major blood loss.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, my head just hurts."

Kensi smiled and said,

"Rest, beach boy. Tomorrow I'm bringing you home with me."

She got up and placed a kiss on my head. Her never-ending legs led her outside my room, where she looked back at me for brief moments and then exited the hospital.

Wait a second.

_She is bringing me home with her? _

I started imagining an endless number of scenarios in my head, where Kensi and I were okay with each other, and nothing could ever leave us uncomfortable. It may seem quite strange, but I dreamt of the day when Kensi Blye is able to reveal that mysterious mind of hers only to me. I wanted to feel as if I was the keeper of her secrets. And I wanted her to feel as if she could trust me with anything.

As my thoughts raced through my mind, I feel asleep with an inexistent picture of my arms wrapped around Kensi in my head.


	2. Chapter 2

"Surfer! Come on, we're going home."

Kensi approached my bed with a big smile on her face. My body was no longer suffering from critical situation syndrome, I was safe and ready to leave the hospital for a long time. It had been two days since I was admitted at the hospital with a huge bullet wound on my abdomen and she had visited me every day, telling me all the things she had done, just like a little girl.

"Already?! But they said I had to stay for one more day."

"Yeah, but you recovered much faster than expected."

Kensi removed the cover of my body, revealing my weak legs, sinking into the hospital bed. I had six stitches on my belly, trying to keep my wound closed. It still hurt, but it was a bearable pain.

"How am I supposed to go home? I can't drive, not like this." I said, looking at the place where my wound was.

"I'm taking you to my place, Deeks. You're staying there with me for a few days."

And, again, the cold sweats were back. I was scared of being with Kensi alone at her house. Not like scary movie scared, like nervous scared. Even though that was something I had wished for a long time, I perfectly knew how hard it could be to communicate with Kensi.

"I told you the first day you stayed here, remember?"

_Yes._

I just wanted to make sure that she really was going forward with such madness. I'd like to state that, I were able to walk without looking like a duck, I would totally make a move on Kensi.

"I guess I forgot."

I sat down on my (not for long) bed, getting ready to leave. I was feeling like a 16 year old boy, dying to go on a date with that one girl. It had been a while since I had felt excited about something, but this was so much more than excited. This is the morning before a new episode of your favorite show comes out, the day before you leave to your favorite place on Earth.

The only clothes I had were the ones I was wearing when I came to the hospital, which were not it the most beautiful state. Still, I put on the dirty jeans in the bathroom and, when I was already outside in my bedroom, the blue V-neck, which was now almost red because of the blood that drained from my body. It occurred to me that Kensi was watching me shirtless and I wondered whether she was looking away or discreetly admiring the defined lines of my body.

When I put the shirt on, my stomach slightly hurt, but I tried not to show it. I looked at Kensi, who was staring at me with a smirk on her lips and I thought that she had probably seen my naked torso.

"Let's go?"

"Yeah." I said.

We headed outside the bedroom and I walked slowly with Kensi always by my side. I wondered why exactly I had taken that shot for her, I mean, it was for _her, _but why?

* * *

Kensi parked right next to the front door of her house and helped me out of the car. She unlocked the door and I went in, to look at her house which, for my big surprise, was not its usual mess.

"Wait a minute." I stopped walking and looked at her, she smirked at me. "What happened here? Did you get a maid? Because Kensi Blye does not clean."

"I do now." Kensi smiled at me.

"I know it's an honor for you to have me here but you didn't have to tidy up your mess. I mean, it is YOUR mess."

She laughed and walked towards me, looking into my eyes with such a cheerful and happy expression on her face. She sat down on the couch and the look on her eyes suggested that she wanted me to sit down next to her. And so I did.

Our eyes met and I felt as if we were talking to each other, even though we weren't. I wanted to hold her like I did a long time ago. Ever since Afghanistan, I had been afraid to touch her and she seemed better when she was left alone. I was always scared to touch the layers underneath her clothes.

"Clothes."

"What?" She asked me.

I woke up from my daydream, realizing that I needed more clothes if I was staying at Kensi's place for a few days.

"I don't have any clothes."

Kensi looked slightly annoyed and, suddenly, I wished I hadn't said anything to disturb her. But the truth was I really did need them.

She looked thoughtful, looking at the ground. I told myself how lucky I really was to be with such a beautiful and perfect girl. Yes, _perfect_. It sounded like a cliché, but that's just what she was to me.

"I'll go over to your house and bring whatever you need."

"Oh, thanks. I'd really appreciate that."

She smiled at me as I lifted my arms to give her my keys. Our hands touched and we both froze. We just stood there, as if a lightning had stroke us and we could not move over the shock. Her skin felt soft and cold. I wished to be able to hold her hand so I tried to move my fingers around it without making her too stressed.

She stared at our hands, which were now conjoined in the shape of the outline of a human heart. Kensi seemed to be enjoying it for a moment, but then her face turned stressed and anxious. I removed my hand to try to calm her down. She stepped back and cleared her throat; my eyes couldn't seem to get off her.

"You should, hm, you should get some sleep. I'll wake you when it's time for dinner."

I nodded and watched her leave. I stared at the ceiling of her living room as I fell asleep on her couch. I thought to myself that I was at her home, where she was Kensi, not Stone-Cold-Fox Blye. My mind started making up scenarios again, but it made me sad to know that most of them would always be only made up realities.

* * *

A loud bark was what woke me up that night and then the sound of paws jigging on the cold floor. My eyes opened to see Monty right in front of my face licking my cheek. I caressed his fur with my right hand and looked at Kensi, who brought a backpack and smile on her face.

"He missed you and I thought you would like to see him."

"Thanks, partner."

And, again, eye contact. I sat back down on the couch and Monty jumped up next to me.

"No! Off!" I ordered him.

"No, no. It's okay."

Kensi headed towards us and sat down, leaving Monty between us. She placed the backpack on the floor and hugged my dog. I smiled, thinking that just a few months ago, she found Monty a smelly and dirty dog.

"You shouldn't have taken that shot for me." She started, sounding suddenly very serious, "If your judgment has been compromised, then I think we should get some distance between us."

"Wait, what?"

I was a little shocked that she said such a thing, but I understood that maybe she needed distance and some time to think.

"I took it because you are my partner. Ask Sam if he wouldn't do the same for Callen."

She was quiet for a moment and looked at Monty for a while.

"I'm sorry. I know." She finally said.

"Nothing is compromising my judgment." I promised.

Kensi faked a smile and got up, pushing her emotions away for a second. She looked at me and suggested we grabbed something to eat.

"Well I'm not really hungry, but I could use some sleep." I told her.

It was barely 9 o'clock, but being in pain really was tiring. I had to admit, I too was feeling some things that should be pushed away for Kensi's sake.

For my surprise, she led me to her bedroom and insisted that I took the bed that night. If it weren't for what happened with Jack, I would suggest we took it together and I felt sad that I couldn't do so.

"I took a few days off work so it's okay if I wake up sore from the couch tomorrow." She told me.

I lied down on the bed and tucked myself in. The truth was, at that moment I did not want to go to sleep, I wanted to stay up with Kensi. I really understood that she was hurt, but we had to get back to what we used to be at some point. Why not now?

"Why don't you stay with me for a while? For us to watch a movie or just talk."

She looked rather stressed but I kept waiting for her to answer.

"Or maybe not. We have plenty of time to do that tomo-"

"Only if we watch ANTM." She said.

All I could do was smile because she had finally taken her first step to get back to reality. Kensi sat down next to me on top of the covers. She took the TV remote, turned it on and chose the episode. Her thigh touched my leg, all the way until the knee and her arm was in direct contact with my skin, which made my heart beat faster. I tried my very best to swallow the desire of holding her body against mine and it worked, for then.

I thought about how I had upset her when I held her hand and I was afraid to abuse again, but I wanted to make sure that would not happen soon.

"Hey, I… I just wanted to let you know that, if you don't feel comfortable with this, just let me know and I'll go home tonight."

Kensi looked at me and I saw pain in her eyes. Pain caused by Jack, by the men who tortured her. But I also saw regret, maybe because she didn't want me to think such a thing of her.

"No, please." She suddenly searched for my hand under the covers and took it as if it was her own. "I really like having you here. You cheer me up."

I took our hands outside the blankets and noticed that she was slightly trembling. _God, I was in love. _Her hand beautifully held onto mine and I took slow breaths to try to smell the scent of her hair, which smelled like vanilla.

"I don't want to stress you. I just want you to be okay."

"It has been quite a while since I have felt this good. You make me okay."

I dared to slide my hand across her cheek and she held my hand tighter. I felt dizzy for a moment, maybe this was a dream. Well, it felt pretty real to me.

We were getting closer, but I took care not to touch her even more than I already did, even though my heart was yelling at me to do it, to kiss her. For my surprise, she was the one who was getting closer, I was not moving at all.

Just when she placed her hand behind my neck and I felt her fast breath on my face, Monty jumped onto the bed and lied down right by our feet. Kensi laughed and that made me happy. It made me happy that she was laughing and she truly looked as if she had almost forgotten.

"It looks like we have audience." I said, making her laugh again.

Her giggle was the most beautiful one I had ever heard in my short life.

Kensi looked at me, with her hand still placed on the back of my neck, but then removed it. I guess I should have been frustrated for not having gotten a kiss that night, but I was actually very happy and satisfied. Before Kensi left the bedroom, we watched the whole episode of her favorite fashion model contest right next to each other, as I constantly glanced over at her, always finding a smile on her face.

But the thing that made me happier was that she felt that I made her feel okay.


	3. Chapter 3

As I turned my body over to the other side, I noticed an unusual figure pushing me out of the bed. My head was rested, but my body hurt. I felt tired, but the feeling that something was wrong, something right there next to me had to be fixed kept me from falling asleep again. For a few moments, I pretended that the one next to me was Kensi, and that our bodies touched innocently, but the desire for more kept that innocence away. When I opened my eyes I came to realize that it was Monty's body that was pressing against my wound and I felt like I had hit the ground.

I lifted my hand and caressed his fur, which made him open his eyes but he quickly fell into deep sleep again. Since Kensi was not the one who made my fantasies true, I thought I could close my eyes and pretend for a few more hours, but I heard footsteps of someone coming into the bedroom.

My eyes were closed, but I assumed it was her. She watched me and Monty closely. Her legs led her to the dog's side of the bed and I felt her smell invading my nose. I wanted to look at her and to be with her, so I slowly opened my eyes, making her think I had been awoken by her delicate movements.

"Good morning." She said to me in a sleepy voice.

She wore an oversized gray t-shirt and black tight shorts. I recognized that shirt… it was the one she had stolen from me when we were at the gym. I didn't say a word about it but it made me smile that she wore it and I wondered why. Maybe there was a special reason for her to do so… maybe not.

"Hey."

"Did you sleep well?"

Kensi lied down beside Monty and supported her head with her left hand.

"Yeah, and you?"

"Kind of. That couch really is hard." She closed her eyes and touched her hair, which was messy, but extremely sexy.

I smiled and thought of how much I would like it if she tried sleeping there with me, but I swear that I could sleep with her in the same bed and not even touch her if she didn't want to be touched.

"What time is it?" I asked, breaking the silence, which, lately, had been the most played soundtrack of our lives.

"I don't know," Kensi answered, "around eleven I think."

I looked at her as she landed her head on Monty's back and he opened his eyes to see what was going on. The last time we had slept in the same house, I woke up half an hour earlier just to watch Kensi sleep. It sounded pretty creepy, but she looked so beautiful when she slept, she looked peaceful and as if she was purposely smiling, maybe at me. We didn't do anything M rated, we just sat there and talked for what seemed like hours. In the end, she fell asleep in my arms and woke up like she hadn't moved a muscle; I thought that maybe she just wanted to remember that moment the way she wanted it to be.

"I'm sleepy."

"Me too, maybe we shouldn't do anything today. Otherwise we will just be mopping ourselves around the house."

"That was the original plan, wasn't it?" She asked, with a smile on her face.

I smiled back at her and her eyes glowed.

"Actually, I should just go take a shower. Then we can get busy doing nothing."

I took that as a request for me to exit her bedroom, because I imagined she did not wish for me to see her naked. _At least not yet. _I fondled Monty's back and called him off the bed as I went to the living room. He followed me and I heard Kensi mumble something at him.

"Did you have breakfast?" I asked Kensi, speaking quite loud for her to hear me.

"No, I just woke up and I was waiting for you."

I heard some noises in her room and I assumed it was here getting undressed. I liked the idea of Kensi being naked in the room next door but, again, I had to swallow my feelings and desires for a few more moments. Although I did fear that those few moments turned into weeks… or months. But if Kensi was thinking of pushing me away, I doubt she would ask me to stay at her place and get undressed knowing that I would be listening to all of her movements.

"Do you mind if I start making something for us?"

"Sure, but can you stand? You could wait for me and I would help you." She said, before turning on the shower.

"That's fine, I can do it myself."

I headed to the kitchen to investigate what she had to eat and I found nothing more or nothing less than the exact ingredients needed to bake pancakes. I quickly mixed them all in a plastic bowl and got a frying pan to the sound of water violently being poured on Kensi's naked body.

She got out about ten minutes later and I had baked enough pancakes to feed us both for two or three days. Kensi met me in the living room, wearing dark blue pants and a white shirt, with a gray jacket on top.

"It smells nice." She smiled as she sat on the couch.

I brought the plate with me and I sat down next to her. My arm met her bony shoulder and she looked at me in the same way she had been ever since that first night we spent together.

"Napkin?" I asked.

"What for?"

Kensi smirked and grabbed a pancake with her bare hands, stuffing it into her mouth. Her giggle sounded happy and finally relieved, free from any kind of despair. I smiled back and, strangely, felt thankful for having been shot at.

* * *

"What movie do you wanna watch?"

Kensi laid her head on the big white pillow standing on her couch and looked up, trying to find the answer to my question in the emptiness of her white ceiling. She slightly opened her mouth and looked back at me. My eyes were now locked on her beautiful lips and my mind was stuck on the memory of our kiss, of how our lips touched and how I was alive again. I had never had the guts to tell Kensi, but all the girlfriend I had had ever since I met her, were just an excuse to make me stop thinking about her.

"Maybe _The Tourist_?" Kensi said, interrupting my flashback.

"Yeah, sure. Do you have the DVD?"

"I do, let me go get it."

She got up and took a few steps to a pile of DVD's and CD ROM's. She bent over to grab the movie we wanted, allowing me to enjoy the incredible view of her round bum. I tried not to laugh, because it seemed as if she had bent over pretty intentionally; she could have sat on the ground or crouched.

Kensi stood up, looking at me with a smirk on her face.

"What are you looking at?" She frowned.

"Nothing, I was just admiring the… lamp you have there." I tried to cover up my, what some would call, sin. "That is one fine, fine lamp."

She smiled, perfectly knowing what I was truly staring at. She inserted the DVD into the player and turned on the TV before sitting back down next to me. The last sunbeam of the day hit her face, lighting up her eyes and making her Nevus of Ota sparkle as she laid her eyes on me. She blinked twice and smirked at me just before the movie stopped our moment.

I laid back on the couch, stretching my wound as I locked my wrist to distract myself from the pain. Kensi did the same and our shoulder blades touched. She bent her knees and placed her calves up on the couch next to me, sticking her feet underneath my thigh. I lifted my legs to make her comfortable but she retained her knees to the other side.

"Does it hurt?" She asked, looking away from the TV.

"Hm, no. You can put your feet here, I'm okay."

Kensi outlined a smile and placed her body the way it was before.

About half way through the movie, my neck was hurting and I wanted to sleep, but I made an effort to stay wide awake for her. Kensi seemed to have been reading my mind, because she placed her head on my right shoulder and crawled a little closer to me. I landed my head on top of hers, resting my sore neck.

The feeling of pain in my belly turned into butterflies, which tickled my whole body and, for a moment, made me want to throw up. I was nervous, but I started to doubt all the thoughts I had had about Kensi hesitating any kind of intimate physical contact because, in the last couple of days, she had started to go back to the way she used to be. Which was not exactly kind and caring, but she had been turning into someone like that ever since we got… let's say _closer_.

"It feels so comfy like this." Kensi said, as she cuddled next to me.

I tried to put my right arm around her, but she clasped my hand before I could do so, holding it softly. I lowered my head to look at her and noticed that her eyes were closed and she had a smile on her face.

_What is going on here? _I asked myself.

Kensi Blye was holding my hand, smiling and saying cute things without a touch of violence or arrogance. It felt incredibly strange to have her like this and I wondered whether I liked this change. I did not pay attention to the movie and all my thoughts remained on the new and the old Kensi. After a while, after imagining all the things that would change if she did become just another romantic and girly girl, I came to realize that what I loved about Kensi was the fact that she was so different from every other girl I had met. She always tried to make herself bigger and more powerful, even though she was actually a very kind person. But she was not soft like a pillow, she was not THAT kind.

The movie was finally over and Kensi was still lying on my shoulder. She lifted head to look at me and, for my surprise, she was smiling.

"Kensi, what's going on?"

She frowned and her smile faded a little.

"What do you mean? Nothing is wrong."

I looked down and thought carefully before saying anything that could hurt her. I wanted to know if this really was Kensi and, if it was, I did not want to offend her for being like that.

"I mean, I don't know, you're acting different. In one day you smiled more than you usually do in a week. It's not that I don't like it, I actually love your smile, but you're just acting like… just like another girl. And you are not just another girl."

Her smile completely faded and she stared at me, looking almost sad. _Shit_, I had upset her. Her face started getting red, her cheeks blushed and she let go of my hand and squeezed her palms together.

"I just…" She started laughing.

I frowned, feeling confused whether I should laugh with her or be worried.

"Kensi…?"

She clapped her hands once before she stopped laughing. She then looked at me with a genuine smile on her lips.

"I was trying to please you!"

_Oh wow._ My eyes opened wide and I slowly started smiling. Kensi looked down and started drawing circles on her thigh with her finger.

"I thought you preferred it when I acted more… girl like. So I've been kind of… practicing my romantic girl side."

I giggled and my insides turned into butterflies again. I smiled and locked my eyes on Kensi, who smirked at me. I felt so happy that she was just pretending, but I was happier that she was pretending just to please me. She was perfect the way she was every single day.

"I actually really like it when you act more Kensi like."

Kensi kept smiling and her face, all the corners of her body spoke to me, begging to be touched and to be felt. I noticed she was already close enough to my body, but, yet, she placed her left hand behind my neck, just the way she did the previous night before Monty interrupted us. Her skin felt soft and warm. Her lips made her smile disappear, and they slightly opened.

I was having a Déjà vu, a flashback of our kiss. It was happening all over again; her smell, her hair rubbing on my face, my hand on her cheek and my lungs feeling empty, burning over the lack of oxygen. Our noses touched just before she split our lips, which were moving in sync.

"Is that Kensi enough for you?"

_Damn it, Kensi._


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, I woke up lying on her couch, with Kensi Blye asleep in my arms. Her hands rested on my chest and her hair strings poured down all the way from my neck to my stomach, like wavy rivers of water, calmly travelling through the outside of my body. My wound was hurting, not a lot, but the weight of her elbow on my belly was making it sore and almost burn. I pushed the pain down my throat so I could take the best off this moment before she woke up. My fingers ran through her hair and caressed the soft skin of her face; she felt happy.

I never believed that you could feel anything in your sleep, you were just sleeping; you couldn't be cheerful or furious. But, that day, I came to realize that wasn't true. After we had kissed the night before, we just lied there as Kensi went back to being Kensi and I kept staring at my _frozen lake_. She was it. She was all I ever wanted to have, never mind the financially stable life, never mind the dream career. I had it, I had her.

As I looked around, I noticed my phone was standing on her coffee table and I decided to record this moment further than in my mind. I took in and, silently, opened the camera. I placed the phone above her head, getting a view of her body lying on my white t-shirt and her legs curled up on the couch. I took a picture of Kensi and placed the phone back where it was just before she started opening her eyes.

"Hey."

After seeing me, Kensi closed her eyes again for a while, but then opened them back. Her lips faded the smile that was drawn when she was sleeping, as she used them to show her feelings through words and not facial expressions.

"Morning." She said to me.

I fondled her cheek once again before she got up and sat down next to me. She moved her chin around, up and down, making her neck, which seemed to be sore, move. Kensi groaned loud enough for Monty to wake up and drag his body all the way around the living room to our feet. I sat down next to her, feeling my tummy burn on both the inside and outside and I took a deep breath to try to make the pain stop. It only worked almost a minute later, after Kensi turned to me and asked,

"Are you okay?"

It took me a while to answer, but, as soon as I was able to move, I nodded.

Kensi tied her hair in a messy bun, and rubbed her face with her hands as I watched her body move so elegantly next to me. I smirked at her, even though I knew she was too sleepy to notice such a thing.

"So what do you want to do today?" I asked her.

"I don't know… There is not much we can do with you like that." Kensi said, with her eyes squinting at me.

I desperately wanted to say at home with her, I thought that maybe she would get inspired to do what she had gained the courage to the previous night. But I was also afraid that she would get bored and I guess we could practice our flirting techniques with each other during a little field trip.

"What if we leave the house for a few hours? I'm tired of having to switch between the couch and the bed all day long. And we could take Monty."

"Yeah, sure." She paused, "But are you okay with that? I mean, you still do have a hole in your body that needs to close with lots of rest and nice food."

She was starting to wake up as her eyes opened wider and she petted Monty with her foot.

"Naah, I'm fine. Besides we won't walk all day long, we'll sleep and eat popcorn for the rest of it."

She smirked. Then, we just stood there. I watched her caress Monty's head and then scratch her back, leaving her shirt lifted up, which allowed me to look at her fetching spine and at the muscles on her back. Kensi's eyes met mine and I felt her, I felt her soul and her energy invading my body, like water dripping from an old water tap, slowly filling up the washstand underneath it. Her eyes wandered around every existing cell of my body and I felt the desire to hold her close to me again.

"Do you want to go like now?"

"Yeah, we can go now." I told her.

We still took a while to get up and I saw Kensi trying not to fall back on the couch next to me, just like I sensed. Kensi headed to the kitchen, where she quickly brewed two cups of coffee and came back to hand me mine.

"Thanks." I said and, purposely touched her hand, but she removed it immediately, just like it didn't even mean anything to her. Well, I guess it was just a touch and I was a sensitive guy, "I should just go change. I really must stink in these clothes."

Kensi outlined a smile and I felt as if she just wasn't awake enough to widely smile.

"Well, that explains why I smell like a wet dog on a hot summer day."

As I smiled, I thought of how I liked the idea of Kensi smelling like me, even if that meant we both smelled awful. The idea of Kensi's body attached to mine long enough for her to be infected with my smell strangely pleased me.

I got up after I took a sip of what tasted to me like horribly brewed coffee and led myself to her bedroom, where I got a new pair of pants and a blue V-neck from the backpack Kensi had brought from her house. I quickly changed, giving her the space she needed to get ready to leave.

Kensi washed her face and brushed her hair even faster than I did and then returned to her bedroom, which was attached to the bathroom. For my surprise, she left the door open and I tried to sneak a peek without her noticing me. So I did what I always used to: _I talked._

"I was thinking we could go for a walk around town, see the pier or have something to eat."

I saw her naked back, calling me to go hold her in my arms. Even though we had spent the night embraced in each other, I seemed to be missing her and her touch. Kensi put on a beige bra and a dark blue t-shirt. She loosened her hair, letting in graciously fall on her shoulders before she tied it up in a ponytail.

Kensi came back to the living room, looking wide awake and, wow, she seemed especially sexy that day. Maybe it was because of my perspective, the fact that we had slept together for the first time in so many months made me feel overjoyed because during all those days after she came back from Afghanistan I suffered so much. For days I thought that our relationship had gone back to stage one, that we would have to start it all over again because she had lost trust in me. But it was all okay a couple of weeks later with a lot of late night hangouts and me trying to get close, but not too close.

"Where should we go?"

"What do you think about the beach?" I asked.

"Okay, that sounds nice."

* * *

As we got to the white soft sand, our feet moved in sync, leading us to the seaside. Monty was so happy, jumping around and barking at the waves when they touched his paws. We walked slowly because every time I threw my legs forward, my stomach felt like it was about to explode over the pain.

"Can we, huh, can we sit?"

"Sure. It hurts doesn't it?" Kensi asked.

I nodded lightly and frowned as I tried not to sit very abruptly. She sat down before me, holding my arms to help me. Then, we lied down next to each other, looking at the morning clouds. Well, I think she was, because my eyes were discreetly locked on her, her desirable lips and every outline of her curvy body. I considered kissing her again, even if that meant lying down on my side and risking having my wound open up.

Kensi looked at me with her beautiful eyes, full of glimmer. In that moment, I knew there was nothing that could stop me from touching her as if she was my own. I slid my hand across her face and touched her lips with my thumb. My lower lip met her upper lip and I held her with all the love I could ever give her. Our mouths were squeezed together as our lips were lying on the sand, slowly approaching each other.

"You are so beautiful." I said, as our lips split.

She took a deep breath and looked down at her feet.

"Deeks…"

"It's true." I held her face in my palm, "And I'm not gonna stop saying it just because you think we have to be professionals and our job comes first. But this is not OPS, we are not at work right now. You are beautiful, Kensi, and I will not deprive myself of the most simple, but meaningful things of life."

She smirked and I thought what I said had made her happy, hopefully it had. Even after what I had just said, I perfectly knew that wasn't what was stopping her from accepting such simple complements. I knew that Jack and Afghanistan had broken some strings inside her. After she came back, I thought we were done because she kept pushing me away, not saying anything and always looking annoyed. But if I made that change, then I can make this change as well.

"We both know we can get through this. We can make this work, Kensi, but you have to help me."

"I'm trying, I promise that I am. But it's still hard; you are the only person I trust but…"

"Then trust me with this." I looked for her hand and placed mine on top of hers, "Trust me and it will all be okay."

She outlined a smile and fell into my arms. My wound was hurting like a bitch, but I told it to hang in there, to shut up for a few more minutes. Kensi's head was on my shoulder and my arms were wrapped around her waist, my hands touching her back. We stood there for a couple of seconds and, before we were torn apart, she whispered something in my ear.

"I trust you."

* * *

Back at home, Monty kept scratching his body with his paw, trying to get rid of all the salt that had dried in his fur. Kensi was preparing us lunch as I sat on her couch, looking around for something to do. That's when I noticed a couple of Moleskin notebooks right next to her pile of DVD's. I stretched my body to reach one of them; it had a black hardcover and it seemed old. I opened it and, surprisingly, it smelled like Kensi. All of its pages were written in a big, thin handwriting and I wondered whether I should read it because the last time I had read one of her memoirs, she almost broke my phalange.

"Hey, Kens!"

"Yeah?" She yelled from the kitchen.

"What's this?" I asked, holding up the notebook for her to see.

Her eyes opened wide and she stood there before she came to hold it in her dirty hands. Her fingers touched every page of the notebook and she stopped to read just the first page.

"Where did you find this?!"

"It was over there, by your DVD's." I said, pointing at where I had found it.

I stared at her as she read small bits of each page. For her to be this stunned, it had to be an old and very important notebook.

"What is it?" I asked, interrupting her moment.

"It's my memoir, from when I was 15 years old."

Wow, I did not see that coming. I was already looking forward to reading it, but after she said that, I was so curious that I couldn't even hold my thoughts inside.

"Let's read it."

Kensi looked at me, frowning her forehead.

"Or, not. I mean it is YOUR memoir."

She sat down next to me, forgetting about lunch and about everything else but me and her precious Moleskin. She put it on top of each one of our thighs, which were close enough for the notebook to stand on both. She slid her hand across the front cover and explained to me what that was.

"I started writing this after I ran away to meet my dad. I wanted to remind myself that things wouldn't get worse than that… but they did."

Kensi's hand opened her memoir in a page that only had the year for date- 1999. I think she had done that as a sign that she was okay with me reading it, but, yet, she read that out loud for me.

"_I'm helpless. Yesterday the police found my dad's body. He died while I sneaked out to go to the movies with my friends and I will never forgive myself for not taking care of him. They told me he died in a car crash, but that is impossible. Daddy would never drive after he had a drink, and he was always so careful. I will not rest until I find out who did this to him._

"_What am I supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go and I'm 15 years old, I will never get a job. I feel lost without him, he always helped me when I didn't know what to do, but now he is gone. After my mom cheated on him, there is no way I'm going back to her. I'm not a child anymore, so I have to wipe away my tears and stop feeling sorry for myself. Dad is gone, but I'm still here and my job now is to make him proud. _

"_I love you, Dad. I always will."_

By the time she was done, Kensi had tears streaming down her face. She closed the notebook and put it aside, throwing her hands up to her face to try to stop the tears, but I could see her chest bumping with every loud sob. Even Monty looked worried. I didn't know what to say, so I just took her in my arms because, the last time I did that, it really seemed to have worked.

"He loved you, Kensi. It's okay now."


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning I woke up to a cold foot touching my calf. My eyelids felt heavy, but I pushed them up and an unimaginable amount of light flashed against my eyes, making their curtains drop quickly. I slowly opened them again and saw something I never thought that could happen anywhere but in my dreams.

Right beside me, I found a shirtless Kensi lying with the left side of her face on the pillow. One of her arms was straighten beside my torso and her hand was had found its home on my bicep, which it softly held. The covers allowed me to see her bony shoulders and her beige bra, covering her round olive breasts. Her skin was bright when the sun hit it and her lips were begging to be kissed. When I started examining her tummy, I noticed that she was wearing a small, dark blue belly-button ring. My fingers slowly followed the path her hair did from her breasts all the way to her pants, crossing through her piercing.

I then realized that there had to be a reason why she was not wearing a shirt and I was frustrated not to remember why. But then it all came back to me. Kensi and I kissed, but then she literally started attacking me. We did not have sex (yet), we just brushed our lips against each other's as I slid my hand underneath her shirt, encouraging her to remove it. I remember our foreheads touching after we had done all the kissing, and then we fell asleep in each other's arms.

On one side, I loved it that such a thing had happened, but, on the other, I wondered whether it was a good thing that it did. Meaning that Kensi was opening up to me, in more than one way, but I couldn't be sure that she would stay the same. I knew that, once we got back to work, things would get more awkward and it was up to us to suck it up if we really wanted to be together.

"Good morning." Kensi said, with her eyes still closed.

"How did you know I was awake?"

I patiently waited for her to open her eyes, but she kept them shut.

"Your hand let go of my back."

My lips outlined a smile because it was nice to know that she really cared about such simple things. She then started stretching her body and opening her eyes. She stared at me and I stared at her.

"Hey." I said.

"Hi." Kensi smiled and leaned her head against my arm, the one she was holding.

"Did you sleep well?"

She nodded and her hair touched my hand; I held it for a moment, just to know what it felt like. It was soft and thin. I felt a strand parted from the rest of the hair and curled it around my finger. I lowered my head and placed my lips on her forehead for a few seconds. I felt her moving and, then, her lips pressed against mine, her tongue touched my mouth and I put my hand on her back, pulling her closer. When we parted, she looked at me and I felt guilty for thinking that maybe I didn't trust her as much as I used to. So, instead of letting myself get hurt for something that I wasn't even sure if it was true, I thought I'd get my mind off it.

"Should we have breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry. Just a cup of coffee maybe?"

I pushed the covers away from my body and threw my legs off the bed. Kensi stopped me, grabbing me by the hand.

"No!" I looked at her, "Let me do it."

She got up and I snuck my head under the covers, slightly feeling like a teenage girl. I rolled over to her side of the bed, leaning my head against her pillow and smelling it, feeling the scent of her messy hair. I felt honored for having slept in the same bed as Kensi Blye, because it was like she had chosen me to share her secrets with. Although I did not expect her to tell me everything in one day, I was waiting for her to slowly let me in. I could imagine her coming home after a long day, letting my arms hold her as we share both the good and the bad parts of our day. For the first time in my life, I was ready and up to a serious relationship. Kensi made me a different man, hopefully, a better one; and I hoped I had done the same for her.

She came into the bedroom with two cups of coffee in her hands and Monty following behind her. He looked cheerful, but he always did; he was a goofy dog and that was exactly why I loved him. Kensi sat down next to me and handed me my cup.

"Only one pack of sugar, right?"

I smiled, quickly kissed her cheek and quietly thanked her. Even if I tried my ass off to stop thinking about it, I could not seem to get over the fact that she might not be the same Kensi after we got back to work. And the thing that bothered me the most was that, the last time our co-workers found out about us, Kensi was reassigned to Afghanistan, where she was brutally tortured. Until this day, I haven't forgiven myself for having provided her the worst pain she could ever feel. The best thing about being in love with her was that we spent our days together, but I was willing to go back to the L.A.P.D. if that meant that I could spare her from such suffer again.

"Hey," she said, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." I lied, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Is that about last night? Didn't you… enjoy it?"

Kensi looked embarrassed and I could easily see that it was hard for her to say that. I smirked at her as I thought of the previous night's events.

"Oh, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot."

She looked down and smiled, with a shy expression on her face. I considered telling her how I felt, because it was like I wasn't being loyal to her.

"But, huh, there is something that is bothering me."

Kensi put her mug down and her eyes filled with fear and anxiety. I felt guilty for having started this, but I had to tell her. I thought of holding her hand, but then it would seem as if I was breaking up with her, which was the last thing I wanted.

"These days have been great, I really do love staying here with you."

I paused, but she made me continue.

"But…?"

"But I don't know how it is going to be when we go back to work. I mean, we won't be alone and we will risk being separated again. I just want to make sure that we can go through that."

"Do you mean 'if _I_ can go through that'?"

I looked down and took a deep breath. I could not afford to have a fight with her before I went back to OPS.

"No, Kensi, I mean people will be teasing us all the time and we will have to make sure our judgment doesn't get affected."

"Deeks, if that's how you think, then it's not going to work. If you don't trust me enough with this, then I don't see why we should keep it going."

She got up and I noticed that her eyes were red. I thought to myself that I was a total jackass for having made her cry.

"Kensi, wait!"

She stopped, quickly wiped a tear, hoping that I didn't see it. She crossed her arms and the cup in her hand trembled.

"What is it?"

"You are the person I trust the most, and I'm only saying this to protect us. The last time we weren't careful you ended up with bruises all over your body and your memory only allowed you to see your ex-fiancée, who left you."

Kensi looked offended, as if no one was ever supposed to mention it but her. It had to be said, and I wanted to make it right. Kensi was worth all the pain I could ever go through, but I was not worth hers, she didn't have to be hurt because of me.

"Well, apparently you still have doubts if I will be the same after you walk out that door and I don't want you to. But you are the only one who can change that, not me."

I knew that wasn't true, but I still let her go. I didn't want to push her because she could have broken. It hurt so much when I had arguments with Kensi because, even after all this time and after all the times I had trusted her with my life, she still seemed to doubt my love for her. The truth was, I was being selfish because I didn't want to get my hopes up, I could get out hurt.

I heard noise coming from the kitchen so I got up but, suddenly, my wound started hurting really bad. I didn't care; I sucked it up and left her bedroom, meeting Kensi's eyes filled with rage, pain and disappointment. I knew Kensi, and I knew the next thing she would do was avoid the whole subject and situation and avoid me. I was right.

"I have to work tomorrow. You should, huh, you should leave."

My heart dropped on the floor, feeling like all of the things that had happened those days had been in vain. I thought that, if Kensi was kicking me out like that, she also felt that way. Suddenly, I found myself empty, wondering what I would do without her. When I worked alone while she was in Afghanistan I always felt lost without her. In this case, I would still have her, but I would truly not. Physically, she would be right there next to me, but I knew nothing would be the same.

"I'll take you home when you're ready."

I knew I shouldn't fight it, at least not then. But I would never give up on Kensi. I had to give her all the time she needed to figure out what I actually meant. And, once again, my crappy communication skills ruined everything. I was tired of trying to make it better, but what was the point of keeping on trying if I knew I would eventually blow it?

_Kensi. _Kensi was the point.

"Okay."

She turned away from me and I slowly walked to her bedroom to tidy up my stuff, with the lost hope that she would regret what she had said and kiss me before we did anything stupid. I hadn't even entered her bedroom when I heard her quiet sob and I just wanted to forget about it, even though I knew I couldn't, and make her tears stop coming.

"Kensi?" I called, getting the balls to look at her as she cried for me.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I hope you know that I really love you."

As soon as I said that, her eyes lit up and, for a moment, I thought we would just be okay, but we weren't. It wasn't as easy to heal a wound just as it was to make it. I didn't mean to hurt her, I never meant to say that I didn't trust her and I blamed my sloppy and very badly disciplined words.

I had my things packed before breakfast, but I just sat on her bed for a while before I left, because I perfectly knew that could be the last time I would stand in Kensi's bedroom. I hoped that would not happen, I was trying to fight it, but despair and sadness took over me.

"Can we go now?" Kensi asked, entering the room and finding me, with a little tear in the corner of my eye.

"Yeah. Let me just go get Monty."

"I'll do that." She said, leaving me alone and calling for my dog.

I let that tear stream down my face and fall on her pillow, the same pillow where her head had stood when I pulled her towards my body and she fell into my arms, kissing my desiring lips repeatedly. I felt so guilty for having spoiled it… so it was my job to make it right again.

I manned up, met Kensi on her living room, who was with Monty. My backpack was on my shoulder and I stepped out of her house, not thinking that would be the last time I would ever leave it. We all got into her SUV and she drove to my apartment.

* * *

We arrived at my place shortly, and the trip was silent. When Kensi parked the car, Monty jumped from the back seat and licked her cheek, as if he had no idea that he and Kensi were not supposed to be such good friends anymore. I felt sorry for him, because Kensi pushed him away with her cranky and annoyed look.

I chose not to say anything, because I could make it worse, so I just took my backpack and whispered a quiet "thank you" that I doubt she heard. I opened the door for Monty to get out and called him. I walked towards my front door but, just before I took out my keys, I heard her voice.

"Deeks!" Kensi called, with what I would say was disgust in her voice, "I'm sorry if I didn't stand up for your expectations."

My heart broke to a million pieces, dropping on the floor while their sounds echoed in my head. I heard a little voice that came from my head, because it could not have come from my shattered heart, whispering in my ear that it was my fault. I saw her eyes completely dry, shooting arrogance and rage at me. I went inside my house, breaking into tears, which was something I had never done for anyone in my entire life. Then, I thought something I would later on come to realize that was far from true.

_Maybe she was no longer the Kensi I fell in love with._


	6. Chapter 6

_**12:07 PM **_

One week after I left Kensi's house, all my physical pain was gone, but my head was bursting with ugly thoughts and waves of suffer. It was Friday and, three days later, I would have to go back to work, even though I did not feel like it. I kept telling myself to fight for Kensi, not to give up on her; but my head, even if changed, had found the strength to tell me that whoever had shattered my heart deserved to be alone. That day, I did not listen to my head and followed my heart, which told me to go after her, to kiss over and over and make her change her mind.

I woke up late, feeling depressed and empty. I could not recall the last time I felt this way, or if I ever had. I mopped myself to the fridge, where I found a packet of milk and took a sip before I realized it was sour. There was nothing left for me to eat, but that was okay, I wasn't hungry anyway.

For the past days I had made no contact with the world outside of my house. I deceived myself when I thought that Kensi would call or show up at my place. Honestly, it didn't seem like her and I just wanted Kensi back, I was tired of being alone and in pain. _Maybe she just freaked out_, I told myself. But it had been one week and no sign of her. The more I thought of Kensi, the worst it would be. So I decided I would call her. I did not expect her to even pick up the phone, I just wanted to make sure that she knew I wasn't over her and that I was waiting for her.

I knew she would be at work at noon so I waited until it was, at least 6 o'clock, but the hours didn't seem to pass by.

* * *

_**3:32 PM**_

I had eaten my last bun, even though I was not hungry, I had watched TV and slept some more. Monty was begging me to go outside, so I just took him out to the front porch, but he always tried to get me farther away. After a couple of minutes, we went back inside and I just started at the clock, waiting for time to go by.

Life seemed infinite. Not in a good way, in a bad way. When you're having fun, it seems infinite and that's good. But when you are waiting for something that you know will never come, you feel trapped in a never ending maze. No matter what I did or what I tried to think about, time was endless and there was no way out of it. Nothing seemed to make it faster, only to slow it down.

* * *

_**4:58 PM**_

I had stared at my phone for 10 minutes, wondering if I should call her; but then I realized that she might still be at work and Callen and Sam could hear her talk to me. I was constantly taking deep breaths and telling myself to calm down and to keep my shit together. The TV had been on for about an hour or so, but I had just started paying attention to a movie, a _chick flick_, in which the girl always gets the guy.

I had always hated those movies, but the two hands I had were not enough to count the many times I had watched some with Kensi. I didn't think she realized what I did and what I would do for her but, once again, I took a deep breath and waited until it was time for me to tell her.

Since I had nothing to do anyway, I decided to sleep on the couch with Monty beside me on the floor and, when I woke up, I'd do it.

* * *

_**6:26 PM**_

I woke up feeling a tingle on my right foot and I shook it. My eyes opened to see Monty licking it and his tail was waddling so fast that I thought he was going to break something with it. The first thing I did when I realized I was awake was check the time. When I looked at the clock, my stomach filled with butterflies and my breath got heavy and fast. I grabbed my phone, opened my contact list and searched for her number. I didn't have to because she was on quick dial, but I wanted more time to figure out what to say.

_There was no more time_, I thought to myself. It was now or never, and I was not willing to lose Kensi.

I dialed the number and called her. The phone must have ringed many times, because many seconds later, she hadn't picked up yet. I told myself it must have been in silent mode, but I knew she just didn't want to talk to me. Maybe not then, maybe not ever.

_**6:44 PM**_

I had spent the previous minutes considering whether I should call her again. Kensi could feel pressured and shut me out and I didn't want that to happen. But I also didn't want to let her slip away right before my eyes.

The phone was almost shaking in my hand when I placed it by my ear, hearing what I thought was the sound of mental torture. Because she only type of torture I knew what the physical one and let me tell you it does not-

"Hello?" I heard Kensi's voice on the other side of the phone.

"Kensi?" My heart bumped and I felt the blood rushing through my veins.

"Hi."

Her voice sounded strange. I ran that sample through my memory and came to realize that was her voice when she cried. Maybe she had seen my call and maybe she wasn't ready to pick up.

Then, right before me, I found another situation challenging my ability to verbalize my thoughts into words.

"Are you okay?"

_Seriously?_ That was all I could say?

"Yeah, huh, I'm fine."

We both waited for one of us to say something, but I knew I was the one who had to break the silence.

"I miss you, Kensi. And I'm sorry about what I said; please let me make this right."

She sighed and took a while to answer, but I was happy that she did.

"I don't know, Deeks…"

"Just, please, give me a chance. You can come over and we'll talk. Or we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I blinked faster than I ever thought I could to try to keep the tears inside. Kensi was thinking, I could tell and I was hoping that she would say yes.

"Okay, I'll go over your house."

"Thank you."

I was free at last. Free of all the despair and the guilt for not having fought for her. All I could do then was wait… and minimally tidy up my house, which sounded like something that should be done as soon as possible in a short period of time.

_**7:01 PM**_

There was a knock on the door and I froze. All I had been waiting for was right outside and what I had to do was simply let it in, let _her_ in.

I filled my lungs with air just before I opened the door, revealing a weak Kensi, with dark rings under his eyes and trembling hands. It felt particularly colder that night so I quickly let her in. She sat down on my couch and so did I.

"I'm really glad you came."

Kensi shortly looked at me and looked back at her hands, conjoined together to try to warm them up. I considered holding them, but I knew that would not be the right move. She was there so we could talk about it, and that's exactly what I planned on doing.

"I think what I said last week what not what I meant so please let me try again."

She locked her eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. I calmed down and trusted my training.

"We work together really well and I would also like to try to make our thing work, but there is no way to be sure that Hetty isn't going to send me back to the L.A.P.D. if we don't keep quiet. I trust you more than anyone I ever have and I know that sometimes it's not up to us to control the decisions we made in the field but we have to try. I will do anything for you, Kensi. I want to be with you but if you don't want this to be a real thing, just let me know and I'll stand down."

By the time I was done, Kensi had tears in her eyes; tears that she pushed back inside her body to try to hide her weakness. I felt strangely grateful for having Kensi sobbing in my arms when we rescued her in Afghanistan; it was like she felt safe enough to show every flaw she had.

I waited for her to say something as I congratulated myself for being able to explain it all over again, without having misused a word.

"I really want this to work." Kensi told me, wiping a tear that had started streaming down her face.

I held her freezing hand and dared to get closer.

"We're gonna figure this out." I quietly said to her.

Kensi then wrapped her hands around my neck and I kissed her head, as to comfort her. She held me tight. I felt like it was all the way it was supposed to be, Kensi was in my arms again. And I was not letting her go that time.

"Please stay. Don't leave." She asked me with her soft voice.

As I slid my hand across her back, I made sure to calm her down like I used to.

"I'm not going anywhere. _We_ are not going anywhere."


	7. Chapter 7

The moment I walked inside the office, I thought I knew what I was putting myself into, but the truth was _I had no idea._

Sam and Kensi were sitting on their desks, working on their personal laptops and Callen was standing next to the coffee machine. I tried to be silent, to avoid questions but I knew that, no matter how careful I was, either Sam or Callen would always notice my arrival and mock me for any stupid reason they found. I approached my own desk, glaring at Kensi, who smirked at me. She looked excited and not scared at all. Just when I was about to sit, I remembered I should play it cool, the less they knew the best.

"Good morning." I said, landing on my chair.

"Morning." Sam said, not even looking away from his laptop.

I looked at Kensi again, who didn't seem to know what was going on. I considered the fact that maybe she had told them something, but I knew that, if she had, they would be all over me. Well, maybe Callen and Sam just weren't interested, as usual.

"What? No 'I missed you, Deeks. I hope you're feeling better.'?" I asked with a grin on my face.

Callen walked towards his own desk but stopped to look at me. He was mocking me, I could tell.

"You look fine."

I lifted my hands and tried to sound as… provocative as usual. It was normal for me to want attention, but there really was something going on there, no one, not even Kensi, was talking to me.

"What if I'm not fine? You know, three weeks ago I almost bled out in the hospital bed."

Callen smiled, so did Sam and they looked at me just like they were about to attack me.

"Yeah, but you didn't." Sam said.

"Besides, Hetty told us that Kensi took care of you."

She looked up at me and her face turned white. It was true that Hetty knew everything but how much more did she know? Kensi was about to say something, but I cut her before she could say something that would turn us in. I thought that being the stupid, flirty Deeks would talk them out of thinking that something between us happened.

"She did. She changed my wound dressing like twice. She's not very gentle but she has fine, fine hands." I said, smiling at her.

"Deeks… just…" Kensi said, trying to look disgusted but she couldn't do it, not after all the things we did together, it was impossible for her to feel disgusted by my abilities.

Sam laughed and Callen got up as soon as he heard Eric's whistle. Kensi got up quickly and followed him, but I walked fast enough to catch up with her, bumping my shoulder into hers. She looked at me and lowered her head to say something really quietly.

"Really? You might as well just tell them what I did with my 'fine hands'."

I smiled and took a step away from her, to stop our bodies from touching each other.

When we got to OPS, Nell was waiting to brief us but, as soon as she saw me and Kensi, she looked weird and embarrassed. I was starting to think that they all knew what happened during the previous week. Knowing Hetty like I did, I considered the fact that she had planted surveillance cameras in Kensi's apartment and that would be very, very bad because I would never be able to face her again if I knew that she had seen what Kensi and I had done together. Besides from putting our careers on the line, working for Hetty would never feel the same.

"Hey, Deeks." Nell said, before getting up from her chair to talk to us.

Kensi and I shared a look and I realized she had thought the same thing as I did. It was nice to know that, even if you don't say a word, there is someone who understands what you're thinking.

"Last night, intelligence officer Bruce Hughes was found tortured and nearly lifeless in a black SUV. The car had no plates, but we are running it on Kaleidoscope. Officer Hughes was working with a special task force whose mission was to locate and eradicate terrorist cells in Iran. This mission was classified and we think he was tortured to force information out of him."

Nell sent a few pictures on the screen of the car where he had been found and it shocked me to know that he was still alive, for the SUV was soaked in blood. Eric was sitting in his chair and continued Nell's words. Sometimes I saw them as two little elves who were just meant to be together. No one was as much of a geek as the two of them.

"Hughes is at the hospital and he lost a lot of blood, but he should be awake now. The car has been searched by the L.A.P.D. but I already told them we wanted to take a look at it."

Callen, who was in charge of the team, always told us what to do, but that time he chose to let us decide. Something was up with them, there was no way this was just a regular day.

"We'll go search the car and then we will call you if we find something." Kensi said, not even letting me think about it.

Sam left and Callen followed him out of the office. Nell and Eric stared at us for a while, but looked away to avoid an awkward moment. Kensi's eyes were locked on mine, as if she was expecting me to tell her what the hell was going on, but I had no idea what they knew.

* * *

"They know something, don't they?"

Kensi was driving, but she still managed to look at me while I spoke.

"Apparently Callen and Sam know that you were with me, but since you took some days off I kind of saw that coming. But Nell and Eric… it's like something is about to happen and they either feel sorry for us or they are just too ashamed to show that they know it." I answered her.

Those were the only words we exchanged before we got to the scene of a black SUV stopped in the middle of the road, doors wrecked and broken windows. Kensi headed to the driver's seat, where she found a cloth that was once yellow, but was now red and smelled like blood. She packed it to send it to the lab.

"Hey, look at this." She called me.

I headed to the passenger's seat, and Kensi showed me a thumb print on the wheel. We collected it and sent it to Eric. I found nothing but blood on the back seats, but I took a sample anyway just to make sure that the blood really belonged to Officer Hughes. Kensi stared at the blood for a while and her look of amazement and entertainment was starting to freak me out.

"Kens, are you okay?"

She woke up from her daydream and headed back to her car with the bag of evidence in her hand.

"Yeah, I was just wondering… I mean how does someone do that? How does a person grab a knife and cuts another human being open as he screamed and begged for mercy?"

She was right… Even though we had both been through some pretty bad traumatic experiences, I still hadn't figured out how someone was so cold-blooded to the point of slowly killing a person. Kensi didn't look very bothered or affected by that situation; I think it just made her thoughtful.

"I don't know… I guess some people just don't deserve the privilege of breathing."

Kensi stared at me and I thought that was the perfect moment to show her how much I appreciated the value of life, especially then. But I knew we couldn't afford to show off like that, it appeared that out co-workers already knew too much. So we just got in the car and headed to the address that Eric sent us as the home of the man whose finger print was on the steering wheel.

During the entire trip we were quiet, scared to say anything wrong. Well, at least I was. I knew I had to be very careful with my words and sometimes it was better if I just kept silent. When we arrived at a big house with two floors and a huge garden, we exited the car and I decided to say something that she would, hopefully, find amusing.

"Kensalina, one day I'm gonna buy you a house like this."

Kensi smiled and stood right next to me as we rang the bell of the house. It took a while until someone answered the door, but a tall, bald man received us. He looked lost and for a moment I thought he was alone in that gigantic mansion, but then a woman showed up behind him. She was a little shorter than Kensi and her curly ginger hair covered her face.

"I'm special agent Kensi Blye, NCIS, and this is my partner Marty Deeks from the L.A.P.D." Kensi said, showing her badge. I realized that she had never introduced me as her partner, only as 'Marty Deeks'.

"Mr. Hayes?" I asked the man, who was staring at us deeply, "Can we come in?"

He stepped away from the door and pointed at the woman.

"Sure. This is my wife, Bethany."

Kensi quietly said 'hello' and we chatted with both of them for less than 15 minutes. We came to realize that his car had been stolen two days ago, but he hadn't filled a robbery report. We passed our information to Eric, who then told us that we were needed in the hospital, to help with the interrogation.

She quickly drove us to our destination and, again we didn't say anything for a long time, and I didn't want things to get awkward between us, so I knew I had to do something about it.

"Do you want to go have dinner tonight?" I asked her.

"Something like tacos maybe or French cuisine?" Kensi smiled, recalling of the last time I had asked her out on a date, without actually asking her out on a date.

"I was thinking Italian, is that okay?"

Kensi looked at me briefly before staring back at the road.

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

Callen and Sam were standing in the waiting room talking to each other quietly. Their hands stood still by their bodies and they spotted us quickly.

"What's up?" Kensi asks, approaching Sam.

They looked down and then back at us with failure in their eyes. Callen's look followed me until I settled down in front of him, next to Kensi.

"Hughes won't talk." he said, "The man was tortured, he says he doesn't remember anything until he woke up here at the hospital."

"He was beaten up pretty bad, but there is no way he doesn't remember a thing." Sam said.

I looked at Kensi and, in that moment, I realized I was the one who had to go talk to him. I didn't think about my experience, but it wasn't something that bothered me much, so it was okay for me to share my feelings with him if it was going to help with the case. The door to his bedroom opened easily once I pushed my fingers across it and I stood right next to his bed.

"Mr. Hughes, my name is Marty Deeks and I'm with the L.A.P.D. I understand that you've been seriously hurt, but we really need your statement."

"You don't understand shit. Don't act like you know it all."

My lungs were filled with air and my mind was ready to begin.

"You feel lost, never rested because it always seems like someone is after you. You're always looking behind your shoulder and all you want is to get away from everything and everyone. You think you might as well be alone, because there is no one you can trust."

His bruised and beaten up face lit up when he heard me say that. It was probably the first time I had talked about how I felt about it, not about how it was and what they did to me. I was hoping that what I said would make him talk and, after a couple of minutes, I got lucky.

"All I remember was a red headed woman… beating me up. I blacked out afterwards."

"Thank you." I said, before leaving his room.

Kensi reminded me that Oscar Hayes' wife, Bethany, was a red head, it had to be her. So me, Kensi, Callen and Sam headed up to their house to interrogate them. When we got there, we did not expect much more than a few lies and we were very naïve in thinking that but, since she could have been the one who tortured him, she could be violent.

* * *

"Kensi, at your three!" I yelled, trying to get my partner to protect herself.

There were more than one armed person and Sam and Callen had gone through the back of the house. Kensi and I shot against a man neither of us recognized and he fell on the floor, with no air left in his lungs. We took cover behind a bookcase, but it was too narrow for both of us. Before I could even leave my cover to find a safer one, I noticed Kensi was no longer next to me; she was standing in the middle of the living room, frozen and waiting to get shot.

My heart started bumping and my first impulse was to jump from behind the shelf, pushing Kensi to where I was standing just before I heard multiple gunshots and fired against the shooters.

"Kensi!" I called, to make sure she was okay.

I did not hear an answer, so I took cover underneath the dining table to finish the job before I went to check on her. One man and Bethany Hayes fell on the floor and I didn't even care to take their guns away, I just looked at Kensi, who was breathing heavily with her eyes locked on the ground.

"Kensi!" I yelled again, meeting her.

My hands touched her cheeks and she moved. Her eyes were now on me and she squeezed my arm really tight. She didn't seem injured, but I had to make sure.

"Are you hurt?" I asked while my eyes inspected her body.

She shook her head and hugged me; I was really glad she was alive.

* * *

Back in OPS, I looked for Kensi, worried that the feelings she had acquired after her traumatic experience had taken control of her body and mind. I knocked on the ladies' room and waited for an answer. She opened the door and smiled to see me.

"Hi." Kensi said, getting really close to me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I scared you, I just froze. It won't happen again, I swear."

Kensi didn't look hurt or upset, honestly, she looked finer than she had ever been. Since we were at work, we were supposed to play it cool and not kiss or hug or anything that would make them think we were more than partners. But Kensi didn't care. She pulled me inside the restroom, where you could hear Hetty playing music in the burn room. It was a slow song, jazz. Her eyes looked at me as if she had seen it all, but what she chose to look at was me.

Our lips met and moved to the rhythm of the song, slowly and softly. She smelled like gunpowder, like she always did in the end of the day. I placed my hands on her back, and moved them underneath her shirt, but she pulled back.

"Patience. We'll be home in a few minutes."

I looked at her, suggesting something way more interesting than Italian food.

"So does that mean we are skipping dinner tonight?"

"It seems like it." Kensi smiled at me.

She leaded me out of the bathroom, careful enough not to be spotted. We walked towards our desks, and I heard Callen and Sam discussing how Bethany Hayes had done that with her brother for her ex-husband, who had died in Iran after they targeted him as a terrorist, even though he was innocent. But I found Hetty in her own office, calling us.

"I thought she was in the burn room." I whispered in Kensi's ear.

"She is everywhere."

We climbed a step and looked at Hetty, who was staring at us with the straightest facial expression I had ever seen. Her fingers interlaced together and her blue teacup was still full. I thought to myself that she knew. She knew about us and she was going to fire me, or worse, _Kensi_.

"Your performance on the field was fantastic today." She told us both, "However, it appears that your… unprofessional relationship has affected some decisions that were wrongly made."

I looked at Kensi, who seemed concerned about what was about to happen. My nerves took over my body and I quickly took her hand and she held it tight, as if it was the last time she ever would.

"I don't think I follow." I said, demanding a clearer explanation of what Hetty was trying to say.

"You two are now romantically involved, and those emotions are taking over your power of making wise decisions. Today Ms. Blye put not only her life but yours on stake. I cannot afford to lose one agent, let alone two."

I stressed and I didn't know what to say. Hetty wouldn't let her judgment be affected by her emotions so it was not even worth it to beg. Even so, Kensi did not look willing to lose me, to lose us, so she took her chances.

"Hetty, please. We'll make it right, I promise. Please don't do this to us, to your team. Give us another chance."

Kensi held my hand so tight that I thought she was going to break my phalange again. I took a moment to take a deep breath and prepare to hear it. I wanted Kensi; that was all I had ever wished for and I wouldn't let anyone take her away from me, not after all of we had been through. Hetty wrapped her hands around her teacup and her eyes really made her look as if she was sorry for saying what she did next.

"I've already given you too many chances, Ms. Blye. I'm so sorry to tell you that, for the sake of this team and yourselves, _your partnership with Mr. Deeks will have to be put to an end_."


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning after Hetty had told us that we would be separated, Kensi and I headed to work in her car, after I crashed at her place the previous night. We talked about us and I told her that I was considering going back to the LAPD, but she cut me off as soon as she heard it, saying that it was stupid, that we would get through that. We kissed and I told her how much I was willing to do to keep this thing going. What amused me in those conversations was not Kensi trying to word her thoughts, it was when she repeatedly referred to us as 'the thing'. Although it was nice to hear her voice saying those stupid little things about love, like she had no idea what she felt. It was like Kensi was a teenager, but 'I love you' wasn't enough to summarize how she felt about me and about 'the thing'.

I was driving and Kensi was riding shotgun beside me, constantly talking about what we had to do to convince Hetty that we were lovers but, above all, special agents. I was entertained to watch her as she fought for us and how she refused to give up.

"We are going to get there and I'm going to tell her that I need you back, I can't work without you." She kept saying.

Once we arrived, I held her hand and looked at her profoundly until she nodded and kissed my cheek.

"It's going to be okay." I assured her.

Kensi didn't seem to let go of my hand and, even though I really didn't want to let her go either, I knew what had to be done and the best we could do to help was look more professional than ever.

* * *

We were quickly briefed and the case seemed more like a simple mission: locate the target, bring him in and do not hesitate to put him down if he resists. But, like Hetty had previously warned me and Kensi, we would not be working together. I was ready for that but, at the same time, I was not.

"Mr. Hanna, you will be working with Mr. Deeks today. And Mr. Callen will be partnering up with Ms. Blye. Do your best, ladies and gentlemen." Hetty told us, with such eminence and pity on her face.

I thought to myself that we were still lucky to be in the same task force but I knew that if we didn't make that work, I could already be gathering my things to go away. My mind seemed to be exhausted of thinking and trying to figure things out all the time. It had been over 4 years since I had first met Kensi and, about 3 years ago, I realized that she was not just a partner to me, she was a friend. But the most shocking finding I had ever gone through had happened almost 2 years before, when her lips started looking more appealing than ever and her touch was rare, but precious. I was not willing to throw that all away and I would tell myself that whenever I wondered what was going on and why.

Since Sam knew what was going on, I did not expect him to say anything. But almost 20 minutes after we had been waiting in the car for the target to come out of his lair, I thought he decided to help in any way he could.

"Are you and Kensi okay?"

I didn't even look at him, but I knew I had to make that work, at least for that day. Besides, I was not disrespectful, not even when I was pissed off at the world. I lifted my head to find him looking at me instead of the house.

"Well that depends. Define 'okay'." I said. I didn't want to sound cranky, but I honestly had no idea what to answer him.

"Are you happy with each other?"

I carefully chose my words, trying not to get mocked. After the time when I was tortured and forced to give up his wife (but still didn't), he respected me much more. I guessed he saw the loyal friend side of me; the one he had always ignored.

"Yeah, of course. Kensi is great, we work together fantastically."

Sam smirked and locked his sight back on the whole point of that stakeout.

"Well, apparently you don't."

"But it's not my fault that Hetty doesn't trust us with this. Kensi and I have discussed it and we can work as partners. We'll find a way… we have to."

My thoughts were racing from one side of my mind to another, making me feel dizzy and as if I was about to puke. I took fast breaths and it helped to calm me down.

"Deeks…" he started, "Just think with me. Remember a month ago when you and Kensi were partners but still spent the evenings at each other's houses?"

I wondered how he knew that, but I ignored it and nodded, following his logic.

"You guys were girlfriend and boyfriend already, you just didn't kiss so often. So what changed? You just became _official, _didn't you? Everything else is the same, so why should that affected your jobs that, this far, have been great?"

Well, he did have a point there. I started thinking again but, this time, I was happy to be able to do so. I realized that I had to tell Kensi about this, about how Sam was so helpful with us and how we had to tell Hetty that nothing had changed. But then…

_Wait a second…_, I told myself, _Kensi is listening to this conversation._

We were all wearing microphones and earwigs so both Kensi and Callen had been listening to the entire thing. That was not necessarily a bad thing, I didn't have to talk to her anymore but, on the other hand, what would Callen think about that?

I didn't have any more time to think about it because, not more than a second later, I heard someone yelling in my ear to go, and so I did.

* * *

The suspect had successfully been arrested and before lunch time we were back to OPS. There was no new case so, in a long time, we actually had time to go have a proper lunch. I approached Kensi, who was talking to Callen by his desk. He stopped talking as soon as he spotted me, making her look back to see what had made him stop. She turned around a smile appeared on her face.

"Hey." I said smiling back.

"Hi."

I tried not to ignore Callen so I looked at him instead of Kensi, I would have plenty of time to look at her.

"Do you mind if I steal her for a moment?" I asked him.

"Not at all. She is all yours." He answered me, launching me that 'I know what you guys did last night' look.

"Do you want to go grab lunch?"

Kensi nodded and walked over to her desk to get her bag before walking out of the building with those beautiful endless legs of hers. She didn't even say goodbye to Callen, she just rushed to the car. When I got to the door, she was standing right outside it waiting for me. Her hand took mine and she led us to her silver SUV, where she rode shotgun again.

Kensi's eyes met mine and I quickly took her face in my hand, pressing her lips against mine for some good seconds. I felt her fingers clinging on my bicep and, in that moment in a long time, I felt the good way of infinity flowing through my entire body. Time froze but, this time, I was so glad that it did. Kensi's cold nails pinned to my naked arm and her soft lips made the blood rush faster inside my veins. Even after we parted, her hand was still on my arm, refusing to let go of its touch.

"God, I waited all morning for this." I told her.

She giggled and got back to let me drive. Before I started I looked at her once again.

"Burgers?" I asked.

"Oh, you know me so well." Kensi said, smiling wide.

We arrived to a burger house shorty and Kensi rushed inside to get in the line. I took my time to get out of the car and lock it and, once I got inside, Kensi had already ordered and was heading to a table. She was carrying a tray with four burgers and fries. The smirk on her face was discreet, but not to me. It was her own way of communicating only with me because she knew that she didn't have to say a word for me to know what she wanted to say.

I sat down in front of Kensi and stole one of her fries just to tease her.

"Hey!" she yelled, "Those are mine! That's why I got you two of those, so you left my fries alone."

Her thin fingers pointed at the burgers and I started munching one. Even though she was eating, Kensi's eyes were locked on my hands. I wondered what she was thinking… Maybe she was remembering all the wonders I had to her with my handy fingers.

"Look, about what Sam told you this morning…" She started.

"Yeah, I figured you had heard it."

Kensi smiled and proceeded.

"I really think he is right. Apparently everyone but ourselves realized how far ahead our relationship already was. Maybe if we show Hetty how that's true, maybe she will let us work together again. But I also think that we have to show her that nothing changed."

She really could read my mind… All I ever felt and all I ever wanted to say had been said. And I was so incredibly grateful for Kensi. She was my frozen lake and I had never figured that out, until that day, when I either blew it or saved it. Oh sorry, I meant to say _'the thing'_.

"I'll talk to her today before we leave. I want to make sure that she knows I'm doing my best to continue being a great agent-"

"Liaison to the LAPD." Kensi interrupted.

"Yes, that." I laughed.

I thought to myself how I had managed to get a girl like that… But I didn't bother to give it too much thought. I was more focused on the fact that she was right there and I was right there and we were young, we had all the time in the world. I could go drive a pickup truck and we could go watch the stars and kiss under the moonlight. The possibilities were endless.

* * *

Kensi, Sam and Callen were sitting on their chairs by their own desks taking care of paper work or surfing the net. I had just returned from the restroom, where I had been preparing myself for my possible death. You know what they say, some people have killer looks. I shared a glance with Kensi before I headed to Hetty's office once again. I could feel my feet unstable, unsettled on the hard floor. As soon as she realized I needed to talk to her, Hetty put down her cup of tea and laid one hand on top of the other, waiting for me to say what was in my mind.

"Mr. Deeks, what can I do for you today?"

"Hetty, I need to talk to you." I said after clearing my throat.

She gestured her hands to make me understand that I could begin. I waited a few seconds to quickly rethink what was essential for me to say.

"I need my partner back. I don't want her, I _need_ her."

"But we have already discussed this matter just yesterday."

"Well I wouldn't call it 'discuss' because neither I nor Kensi got a say in your decision. I just need you to know that nothing changed. We are the same, we all are so there is nothing for you to be afraid of."

"Mr. Deeks, I understand that you want your partner but partners come and go. All you have to do is adjust."

I looked back at Kensi for comfort but all her wavy chocolate colored hair gave me was courage to say something I never had. Hopefully my honesty would defrost Hetty's heart just enough to make this all okay.

"Hetty, let me tell you a little story. All my life I have acted like a goofy only to hide my true self. When I was younger I tended to be depressed and sad all the time; nothing and no one seemed good enough to put a real smile on my face. So I put this cloak on that made me see the good in things but that became stupidity, not sense of humor or happiness. But when I started working here with Kensi, I threw that disguise away because I had no reason not to smile as long as she was beside me."

Her eyes lit up and she tried not to show it, but I could tell that she was moved by my tale. All I wanted was for her to see what she would be doing by taking Kensi away from me. I'm not saying that, by not being partners anymore, we would break up and stop talking to each other. But working side by side, seven days a week made it much easier.

"Until today her presence has affected my judgment maybe once or twice in hundreds of other times. I'm just asking you to, please, let us show you that we can do it."

Hetty looked down and took a while to answer, but it was damn worth the time.

"I'll assess the situation. Meanwhile, you'll still be working with Sam."

I tried not to jump and scream to let out the amazing amount of happiness invading me at that moment. I smiled and just before I ran back to Kensi I told Hetty one more thing.

"Thank you, Hetty. We won't let you down, I promise."

My legs quickly led me to Kensi's desk but then I remembered to be discreet so I went to the burn room instead. I went in and took the deepest breath I had ever taken. Just then, Kensi entered and looked at me, waiting for me to say anything at all. But I just couldn't. I couldn't speak, I couldn't even think. I saw her and I smiled. She smiled back.

"Does that mean that…?"

I took her body in my arms and held her tight, feeling every bone and every muscle of her body. Kensi giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck, holding it tight enough to break it. It seemed like every clock in the world had given us a minute to celebrate, to kiss, to record this moment forever. But we parted, for me to tell her the whole thing.

"She said that she was going to think about it, but I think it's okay for us to get our hopes up."

Kensi's face lit up like never before and she kissed me briefly. It was not an especially pleasant kiss, but it was nice because it was a happy and an 'I don't care' kiss.

"Oh, Marty, this is great!"

I stopped for a moment and she looked concerned. That moment was recorded in my head as one of the best feelings I would ever feel.

"Wait a second. Did you just call me Marty?"


	9. Chapter 9

That night, my whole body was possessed, forced to do things I would gladly have done. But I liked the idea of, once in a while, not being in charge of my own body; I liked the thought of Kensi controlling me and touching me like I was her own. Her lips repeatedly kissed my neck and my hands slid through her back and then all the way down her thighs. She removed her wet lips from mine and I wanted them back but, when I realized what she had done that for, I really didn't mind. I put my hands beneath her shirt and ripped it off her body, disclosing her black bra and her desirable smooth skin.

"This is so much better than one of your costumes." I said, leaning my head towards her tummy.

Kensi quickly threw her hand to my forehead.

"Wait, what? How do you know about my costumes?"

"You once told me you didn't sleep with anything on unless it was a costume." She smirked and bit her lip, "Besides, I read your diary, remember?"

Kensi's laughs quickly turned into quiet groans as my lips started consuming all of her body. She lied down on the floor of my living room and I stood on top of her. For my surprise, Kensi wrapped her hands around my back and rolled us over, standing on top of me, which gave me a much clearer sight of what I wanted to see. It also made it easier for me to slide my fingers across her back and locate her bra to try to unclasp it. Of course, unclasping bras was my specialty, but I seemed to be out of practice, so Kensi had to do the job for me.

We laid on top of another with no layers between us.

* * *

After I had had the greatest '_I'm so happy_' sex of my entire life, Kensi and I just stood there, with her head on my chest and my hands on her back. For me, that was almost the best part of sex with Kensi. It didn't feel right to say that it really was the best part because that girl had some moves that could make you go _cray cray_ for more.

A few minutes into the reflection of the previous actions, Kensi got up, gathered her things and, against my will, went to her house. But, before she did, we shared a deep and long kiss and I swear that, during that kiss, I could feel her. Not only her lips and her hair, but her heart and what it said to me.

As she left, I felt my subconscious ordering my mouth to smile and to scream. I threw my body onto the couch and stared at the ceiling, replaying this scene in my head, where Kensi stood next to me and held my face and kissed my cheek. I wanted to make sure that these memories would last forever and I wanted them to play in my head in the moment when I was about to die. I wanted the life to flash before my eyes to be this one, the life and adventures shared by Kensi Blye and Marty Deeks, partners both in the pursue of bad guys and of happiness and inner peace.

* * *

"Last night, a marine unit stationed in Fallujah was ambushed by who we think were part of a group of rebels from the Middle East." Nell briefed us the next morning, as my eyes were constantly locked on Kensi's clothes and my mind thought of how much better she looked without them.

"A few months ago, marine Greg Johnson was kicked out of their task force." Eric continued, "In the report, it was stated that Johnson had a hard time taking orders and refused to perform certain missions, as taking down possible threats to the national security of the USA. He lives in St Monica alone, was never married and has no siblings or children."

Callen looked at all of us and correctly assumed that Kensi would still be working with him. He told me and Sam to go to the marine's apartment and take him to the boatshed, where he and Kensi would be waiting for us.

As usual, Sam drove and I rode shotgun, spending the whole trip singing along to the sound of Led Zeppelin. He asked me to stop a few times and I did, but it was only a matter of seconds until I started again. We arrived at the suspect's house and Sam took over the talking.

"Johnson? This is special agent Hanna and LAPD officer Marty Deeks. We need to talk to you for a second."

There was no answer and, right before Sam knocked again, a tall skinny guy opened the door for us. He had blond hair and the tiniest arms ever. I thought to myself that maybe that man really didn't belong in the Navy.

"Yes?" He asked.

"We are gonna have to take you with us for an interrogation. It won't take a long time, we just need to ask you some questions about your former unit in Fallujah."

"Fallujah? Let me tell you all you need to know. Those guys were insane. They ordered us to kill people that they weren't even sure if they were innocents. I'm going to live for the rest of my life knowing that the people I killed might have been decent people and were mixed up with someone else but the government never gave a crap about it."

Sam was starting to get a little bothered by this man, so he grabbed both of his hands behind his back and led him to the car, where he sat in the back seat. I didn't say a word about anything the whole way until the boatshed, I even turned the music off. Our suspect didn't speak either, I thought he was afraid that he would piss Sam off and no one should be brave enough to do so.

* * *

Callen sat with Greg Johnson in the interrogation room as Kensi, Sam and I watched the conversation from the outside. My current partner looked at the man with disgust.

"How can a marine say that? He was the one who signed up to protect this country, why should he say that his fellow marines were crazy?"

"That place changes a man." I said exactly what I had been told when I was in Afghanistan and I tortured someone to find out where Kensi was.

Sam looked at me and I knew that wasn't the answer he was waiting for, but I also knew he thought that was true. I was never a marine but after working with the NCIS I realized that, when you sign up for it, the things you expect to see are nothing compared to the truth.

Just when Callen left the interrogation room, Eric and Nell popped up in the big screen in front of us.

"We checked Johnson's recent calls and a phone number called him two days ago from Karma, a city close to Fallujah. We tried to trace the call but it turned out to be a burn phone. Other than that, he didn't talk to anyone else besides a pizza delivery restaurant."

And, just like that, they popped out again and the image taking over the screen was the marine, sitting down on a chair, looking at the ceiling. Sam frowned and looked intrigued.

"We could play him. We say we know about what happened and we get a confession."

"And, hopefully, the location of the group that contacted him." Callen finished.

Both of them headed inside to talk to him, leaving Kensi and I alone staring at each other. I told myself to be professional and to put my head on the case, so I did. Callen and Sam really did work well together, it was like they read each other's minds. They were able to make Johnson talk, and he said that he just wanted the killing of the innocent to stop, even if that implied more deaths.

"Well, they really do get along together." I said to Kensi.

She looked back and smirked.

"Let's hope we do too."

Back in OPS, everyone was ready to go home and Kensi was waiting for me in her car. I was tidying up some things and I was about to leave when Nell stroke me in the arm with her hand.

"Sorry, I was supposed to have only touched you." She said.

The word _touch_ sounded completely different to me then, and it didn't feel right to hear Nell saying it to me.

"I just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you and Kensi. It must be great for you to have her back."

"Thanks. Well even though she is not exactly back, yes it does feel nice." I smiled.

"I also wanted to tell you that I spoke to her the day she got back to OPS and I told her that it wasn't my choice to partner up with you when she was gone. She sounded kind of mad and jealous… anyway, it would be good if you could talk to her and tell her that I really am glad that she is back. And I'd like to have a girl's night one of these days."

I was happy to hear about how much Nell was fond of Kensi.

"Well I'll tell her, but I think you should be the one to say that."

She nodded and headed for the exit.

"I will. Good night."

"Night." I said, quietly.

I walked towards the door and found Kensi sitting in the car waving at Nell as she left. I knew that we were all that Kensi had and it was really satisfying to see that people wanted her to like them. She was so loved and I felt that the affection I showed her was not even close to what people felt for her.

"Hey, partner." I said, leaning my head towards her open window, "Get out, I'm driving today."

Kensi raised her eyebrows and lifted her chin.

"What do you mean by you're the one who is driving?"

"I mean that I need to take you to a place and it would spoil it if you drove there." I said, getting closer and closer to her.

She looked like she was about to kiss me and I leaned towards it, but then she quickly opened the car's door, hitting me hard on the chest. I heard her giggle and felt her hand tapping my back.

"Go on, drive."

It took a while until I was able to move again, but I sat down on the driver's seat and looked to my right and saw Kensi, still smiling at me. I was so happy that, even if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, she was still the same Kensi I had saved precious remembrances with.

"God, did you really have to do that?" I said, trying to laugh but it still hurt.

She nodded and looked forward, indicating me to drive. I turned the key and started heading towards our destination. I hadn't prepared something very special for her but I remembered this restaurant by the sea that had really nice food and we could go walk by the seaside holding hands. I thought that maybe I had raised her expectations a little too much, since it was just a restaurant, but I kept quiet anyway until we got there.

"This is nice." She said.

Kensi was sitting across the table, with her hands between her thighs and a smile on her lips. It was weird because she had said the exact same thing when we were on our first date, and it was a bad thing that she had said it.

"But…?" I suggested.

"Nothing… I'm just a little worried about that whole Hetty thing. But today went just fine so I'm confident that we will be okay."

She shrugged as she said 'we' and I realized that we had a lot of work ahead of us, but I was willing to do everything in my power to make _the thing_ work. I thought I'd get both of our minds off of it by bringing up another subject.

"I talked to Nell today."

Kensi raised her eyebrows again and I kept calm while trying to explain to her that there was no reason for her to be jealous, on the contrary.

"Oh, you did? And, hm, what did she say?"

"She said that she was really glad you were back. And she also asked me to tell you that, if it was her choice, she would have stayed in OPS instead of going with me. When we were together in the field she always looked guilty. I think she felt that she was stealing me from you."

Kensi sighed and looked down at her hands. She then placed them on top of our table and laced her fingers.

"I know… she told me that."

She looked back at me and I stretched my hand for it to touch hers. She was cold so I wrapped my fingers around her fist like a piece of paper.

"I really like Nell. I know it wasn't her fault." Kensi told me, trying to outline a smile.

* * *

"Shall we go for a walk?" Kensi asked me, getting up from her chair.

I got up as well and went after her under the moonlight, following the footsteps she made in the sand. She got closer to the sea and took off her boots and her socks. She looked at me with a bold smile on her face, suggesting me to do the same. It occurred to me that maybe she was thinking of going swimming _naked_. That sounded like a pretty good idea to me, except for the fact that a lot of people were looking at us and I did not want to be arrested.

"Kensi, you're not taking off all of your clothes, are you? Because you have a bathtub big enough for the both of us."

"No! Just take off your shoes." She frowned.

Kensi rolled up the bottom of her jeans and took me by the hand to the seaside. My feet touched the freezing cold water and she squeezed my hand when she felt the water's temperature. A giggle came out of her mouth and I noticed that she was about to say something when I quickly interrupted her, pressing my lips against hers as hard as I could.

The heat of her hands warmed up my neck and I tightened her body against mine. Our lips moved together and, as we parted, her face lit up to the moonlight. Her eyes gleamed and I was pretty sure that my insides had melted.

It had been less than a week since we were officially together but after all these years of hiding feelings, I thought that it was time for me to say it.

"I…" I stuttered. I was about to continue when Kensi took over.

"You love me. I know. I always have."


	10. Chapter 10

I quickly put on the first pair of jeans I saw, even if they were dirty, and a dark green V-neck. My clock was telling me that I was at least fifteen minutes late; well I knew I shouldn't have stayed up the previous night, but I was so excited that I couldn't bring myself to sleep. Kensi hadn't stayed over that night, but I was excited over the fact that we were together and she was able to say some things already. I was the kind of person who was always open to talk about anything at all and, if I wanted things to work out with Kensi, I knew I had to slowly crack her open.

The coffee machine hadn't prepared my breakfast yet, so I just ran to the car. When I was about to turn my key, I noticed that I had forgotten my badge, so my feet quickly led me back to the house, making loud and swift sounds. I came back and drove to work, passing a few red lights. I knew Hetty would be pissed at me if she knew, but it was for me to get to work fast and keep the bad guys off the streets.

As soon as I got to OPS, Callen, Sam and Kensi were still sitting in their desks. That was odd. I arrived happy, but not willing to speak about my reason of happiness. Sometimes I liked to keep it only for myself, like a little secret.

"Good morning, beloved co-workers." I said, placing my bag on the top of my own desk.

"What's up?" Callen asked me.

I was surprised that he actually asked something serious instead of just making fun of my stupid and misused words.

"I just woke up late and, by how fast I managed to get here to do… nothing, I probably got myself one or two penalties."

Sam laughed, finding it surprisingly funny that I would have to pay maybe a hundred bucks and, yet, not surprising at all, since it was me who we were talking about. Kensi's eyes fixed on mine for a moment and I smirked, only at her. But I did look behind her, finding Hetty's empty desk. I assumed that she was upstairs or just talking to someone in a more closed area.

Eric didn't even bother to go a few steps down, he just whistled from upstairs, calling us to an important case. Callen and Sam went fast and Kensi and I followed. She bumped her shoulder against mine and her cold flesh touched my naked arm.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked.

"Yeah. Did you sleep at all?"

We tried not to get too close for them not to hear us, so we walker a little slower.

"Well, I tried to, but it's really hard to sleep when your mind settles that it's time for you to make big life decisions."

Kensi looked at me with fear in her eyes and I realized that was not what really happened. It would be really bad if Kensi thought I wanted to marry her or to move in with her because I wanted her to be the one to give those first steps. I didn't want to look like I was rushing her.

"Agh, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." I tried to make it right as we started approaching OPS, "What I meant was that I was thinking about us and about last night and the previous nights. I wasn't necessarily thinking about our future because I know that it's way too soon to start thinking about-"

She took my fist, which was closed tight to make me calm down. She breathed almost on my chin and I felt the warm air reaching for my nose and I inhaled it, smelling the sweet scent of vanilla that had left her body. I wondered how it was possible that people like Kensi could breathe the same oxygen as I did.

"We're about to get in there so, please, do not talk about this in front of the guys."

"I know. Stay calm, Fern. I got it." I said, smiling.

Nell immediately locked her eyes on Kensi as soon as she saw her and quickly briefed us, with the help of some pictures, which she put on the big screen.

"Sea Breeze Clinic in downtown L.A. is specialized in recovering both mental and physically injured marines and soldiers but it seems like they have been doing a little more than therapy. For the past 6 weeks, at least 2 men and one woman, all marines, disappeared shortly after they were admitted. There has been no sign of Stan Marks since yesterday afternoon, when he was supposed to have attended physical therapy with Doctor Vivian Swan and never showed up."

Callen said we would all go to the clinic, but he and Kensi would check the surveillance cameras as Sam and I talked to some of the doctors. Just when we were about to leave, Nell stopped us.

"Agents, wait please." She said, starting to sound more and more like our boss, "Hetty has given me orders to tell you that today Deeks will go back to working with Kensi and the same for you with Sam."

Nell looked at Callen, who nodded. She then looked at me and I smirked, almost thanking her even though I knew that it wasn't her decision. Kensi and I rushed to the car, not saying anything to each other even if we both knew that we wanted to have one of those moments that we hadn't had in a few days.

As soon as we approached the car, Kensi sat on the driver's seat and reached for the steering wheel even when I wasn't even properly placed. She drove fast and tried her best not to look very excited. It was like she was still feeling watched.

"Hey!" I said, quite loudly, "Aren't you happy that we are back?!"

She tried to control her smile and lowered the radio volume.

"Hetty wasn't in her office. Besides, she is always watching us."

"Then why are you driving so fast?"

I smiled and she removed her foot from the accelerator as soon as she heard my well-said words. She was right but how bad could it be to celebrate a little? At best, I would kiss her cheek, if she ever let me that close while she drove.

"I was joking, Kensi! Relax. God, doesn't it feel great to be back in the same car, always through the same streets and with the same person as you always do?" I tried.

Kensi's face relaxed and she allowed herself to take pleasure on the best part of her old routine. Because, with me in the picture, her Friday nights would go from 'let's watch _Titanic_ for the millionth time' to 'WOW, after that I'm gonna have to sleep all day tomorrow'.

* * *

The clinic looked legit, the patients seemed to be treated well and the staff was good, some nurses were _really_ good, but not the one Kensi and I got stuck with. Colin Barnes was a male nurse who had been working for that clinic for almost 10 years.

"But does everyone act normally? No one sneaks out during the night?" I asked him as Kensi listened.

"No," He shook his head, "everyone here is great. I don't understand why someone would do this."

"Thank you for your time." Kensi said.

As we turned to the hall, we spotted someone we hadn't talked to, so she approached her and asked if we could ask her some questions about the disappearances.

"Of course." The woman answered with a very loaded British accent.

Kensi and I led her to a corner of the hall, where we wouldn't disturb anyone. We saw dozens of injured soldiers, some in wheelchairs and others that couldn't stand looking up and nurses had to guide them to their rooms.

"Do you work here?" Kensi asked.

"Yes. I'm Doctor Vivian Swan, physiotherapist."

"You were Stan Marks' doctor?" I said as Kensi and I shared a look.

"_Are._ He is not dead yet, agents."

"And how do you know that?"

She looked up, not at the ceiling, but beyond.

"Faith. As long as we keep praying he will be fine."

"When was the last time you talked to him?" I asked.

"Two days ago, in our last session."

"And did he seem off about something?"

"No, he was completely fine. Agents, these people are not bad. They are here to help the most wounded. The pay was low but what matters here is to save lives."

Kensi and I thanked her and headed back to the car to call Eric. As we were about to exit through the door, we saw Callen and Sam walking right behind us. We stopped, to update them as they were on the phone with OPS.

"We talked to every staff member we could find." Kensi said, "Everyone told us the environment was nice and people didn't hurt each other. We spoke to Dr. Swan and she said that Marks was fine when she last saw him."

"Sam and I went through the surveillance footage and it seems that all the cams went down when people got missing." Callen spoke towards the phone.

Eric then spoke with his elf-like voice.

"Colin Barnes is a nurse there and he has made some pretty weird calls in the past couple of weeks. He contacted two criminals, both arrested and did their time for attempt of murder."

The intelligence operator turned off the call and Callen told me and Kensi to go investigate his house, so we went back to the car and, that time, I drove to the address that Eric had sent us. Kensi took control of the radio and really loud techno music started blaring from the columns.

"Jesus, how do you listen to this?!" I yelled over the rhythm that I could feel on my butt.

My body was jumping every time the music got louder and, unfortunately, Kensi wasn't dancing but she sure was enjoying herself. I took us to the destination and she turned off the radio once the car was parked. She left the car but didn't walk. She stood on her straight, infinite legs with her arms crossed, making hear breasts tighten up inside her black button down shirt.

"What?" I asked, walking towards her and noticing that her eyes were squinting.

"Kensi, what are you doing?"

"When was the last time you wore a tuxedo?" She asked, raising her chin to slide her look from my head to toe.

I frowned and thought that maybe she was suggesting that I would be wearing one in the future. What made me think was the reason why she would put me on a tux. Kensi Blye was not the type of girl who would get married, but maybe she was willing to open an exception it make me happy to think so.

"Never mind."

Kensi walked in front of me to the small house. Her round bum moved beautifully as her jeans revealed its shape. She picked the lock in about 5 seconds, but she had enough time to bend over and I was pretty sure that she had done it on purpose for me to enjoy the view. Once we were inside, we found that his house was a complete mess with books fallen on the floor and pillows ripped open all around the premises. Someone had definitely searched it, but for what?

"I'll search the bedrooms." I told her, heading to the master bedroom.

The bed was unmade, the laptop was completely trashed but I had to take it in anyway, maybe Eric could get something from it. I was about to take it in my hands when Kensi quietly called my name. Her voice seemed off and it was slightly trembling. I got scared so I dropped the bag in my hands and ran to the living room, with my fingers already in the trigger of my gun. I was pointing it at an empty space, because all I found was Kensi, who jumped when she saw me aiming my weapon almost at her.

"What are you doing?!" She yelled.

"You called me and I thought you were in danger!"

"I called you because I found something." Kensi lifted her hand, where she was holding a rubber glove with blood stains on the tip of the fingers.

"I'm calling Eric."

* * *

"We know it was you, Colin." Sam said.

He and Callen were questioning Colin Barnes, the nurse from the clinic. When Kensi and I searched his house, we found a rubber glove with blood that belonged to the recently disappeared marine. The two of them had arrested him and were now waiting for a reason why.

"Why did you kill them? Did they make your job harder? Did they make you work extra hours?" Callen tried.

The middle aged man bit his lip and tapped his fingers on the table, making a really provocative noise and I was sure that I was not the only one getting extremely annoyed by it. I cleared my throat and took a sip of coffee from my red mug. My fingers burnt as I touched my boiling hot cup of coffee.

"Look, I needed the money okay?" Barnes started, "Those people weren't going to heal anyway, so me and some buddies did what had to be done to keep it going."

"Colin, what are you talking about? What did you do to them?"

"We sold some of their organs to people who needed them for better goods. Those people were dead inside anyway, there was nothing no one could have done to help them. And I needed to keep the business running; more and more people were coming to me for help."

"What did you sell them?" Callen asked once again.

"Drugs, man! Jesus, I thought you guys were cops."

"We're federal agents." Sam clarified just before they left the room.

Sam shook his head as he sat down in front of me.

"The world is going wrong."

"Speak for yourself, my friend. I'm still a great Samaritan who now also recycles." Kensi said with a proud smirk on her lips.

Callen looked at her, curious and amazed that Kensi would do such a thing. I smiled to the sound of that because it felt good to have been the first person to have known that. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a priority. I had always had someone who came first in my life but now I was a first. But, more importantly, I was _her_ first.

* * *

We had just arrived to OPS when my eyes immediately turned to Hetty, who was then sitting by her desk. I wondered where she had been but, on another hand, I really did not want to know. I was perfectly aware that she had been watching Kensi and me the entire time, evaluating our mental abilities and checking for capability to make wise decisions in a short period of time. This case hadn't been very exciting and, from my point of view, there hadn't been many moments for Hetty to evaluate those things.

"Kens." I summoned as I saw Hetty calling us with her small and bony fingers.

Callen noticed it and shot us a look as in a sign of luck. Since he knew Hetty much better than I did, I trusted him when he made me think that it was going to be okay. I considered taking Kensi's hand as she approached me, but it seemed out of reach and distant; not wanting to be taken. But the fear that took over me overcame that distance and I was able to feel her again. Her hazel eye was locked on my baby blues and that was enough to give me the trust and confidence I needed. Kensi was right beside me, and she wasn't going anywhere. Even if that meant that I would have to leave the place that had been my home for the past four years.

"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Blye." Hetty said just when we were close enough to hear her powerful shattering voice.

I let go of Kensi's hand because I thought it wouldn't be appropriate for us to show ourselves as lovers to Hetty, but as partners in the line of duty.

"As both of you might now, I have been paying close attention to how this team works when a certain change has to be made. Today you performed well and there is no reason for me to fear for your lives, as long as you are side by side. The two of you work perfectly as partners, and apparently as something more. Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are another example of a great pair; they complete each other. So I would be out of myself if I asked you to stop working together."

Kensi's chest quickly filled with air and she closed her fist, squeezing it tight in order to stop her from dancing and kissing me hard.

"However," Hetty continued, "if, by any matter, your judgment gets affected and any life is put on the line, I will not hesitate in do what is best for all."

I smiled and, before Kensi could say anything, I thanked Hetty for everything she had done. Kensi's eyes were happy and I was dying to get home so we could _celebrate_. And that didn't mean only sex, that meant sharing one very good moment of our lives. We were about to go gather our things when she said she needed to talk to me.

"Go on, I'll catch up." I told Kensi before she went to talk to the guys.

"I wanted to thank you for your outstanding work for this agency."

"Well, it is my job."

"I thought that maybe you would be interested in having a permanent job in NCIS." She said.

My body completely froze as Hetty got a paper from her desk drawer. Her lips outlined a little smile and, by her facial expression, I knew that was what I had to do.

"Wait, what? Are you sure?" I stuttered.

"Mr. Deeks, after almost four years, the least I could do was offering you a permanent place to stay."

My hand trembled as I took the form. The big letters on the top spelling _NCIS_ caught my attention and I had no doubts that was where I belonged. I smiled at her and turned around to look at the team. Eric and Nell stood on the top of the stairs, talking to each other and Sam, Callen and Kensi laughed in a circle. That was my team.

"I'll give it back when it's filled. Thank you."

I quickly headed to Kensi's side, not being able to hold my thoughts and emotions. For the first time since we had agreed not to do any public affection shows, I didn't care about that because I knew it didn't matter. She turned around, realizing what I was about to do. She shrugged back and looked awkward. She didn't want to hug me or to kiss me while people were watching us but I knew that, deep inside, that was what she wanted to be brave enough to do.

"What did she say?" Kensi said, incredibly quietly.

I held up the form and tried not to stutter in front of everyone. By that time, Nell and Eric had managed to reach us and were waiting to listen to what I was about to say.

"Hetty wants me to join NCIS."

Callen and Sam were about to congratulate me just when Kensi's petrified body reached for my hand and raised her voice to ask me something.

"And…?"

"I'm going to fill this tonight!"

I didn't even hesitate to answer. In that moment, I knew that Kensi was feeling just like me. I could see it in her eyes that she didn't care. As the crowd behind her started clapping and congratulating me for my amazing done, she threw herself onto my arms, holding me just close enough to choke me to death. I felt everyone watching us and I couldn't feel happier for being able to come out with my feelings.

Kensi's touch felt warm again and I felt her breathing heavily in my ear. Over all of that noise, I managed to listen to every word her body said to me. After so much time of me trying to get the balls to tell her, I had finally done it and she wasn't the only person I was honest with. I even remembered this one day when I called a radio station to ask for advice on how to communicate with Kensi and Callen found out and, of course, told her. But the way her hands gripped tight on my back and how she let her hair touch my face spoke to me through such unimaginable words. Kensi was grateful and she was not afraid.

"_I'm ready_." She whispered in my ear.

I knew what she was ready for, and it wasn't a life with me. We were young and we had endless things left to do. We had roller coasters to ride and kisses to give; there were unexplored corners of our lives waiting to be discovered. But the scent of vanilla coming from Kensi's hair woke me up from my daydream, reminding me that it was time to go home, because Kensi was finally ready to actually talk about _the thing._

My arms squeezed her ribs and, even though her body was completely against mine, she didn't feel close enough. I heard people clearing their throats and announcing that they were leaving but I didn't even bother to say good bye because there were so many more days left for farewells. My eyes were shut and I heard Kensi giggle onto my neck. In that moment, when all of my million wishes started to slowly become true, I truly understood what she was ready for.

Her voice trembled and her body shrugged but, even so, she was prepared and brave enough to say what she did.

"I… I love you." Kensi said with such relief and surprise in her voice.

She was scared, but she was willing to go forward with this thing. And I was going to do whatever I had to to make it the best decision we had ever made.


End file.
